Stephanie Cherished Moments

2011-09-01T08:10:00.001-07:00

Sometimes i wish i'd have more of a life so that i won't want or need you so much

2011-09-01T08:10:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i wish i'd have more of a life so that i won't want or need you so much

2011-08-20T00:37:00.000-07:00

Hello! its been a day of packing=D and indeed the cupboards are better looking and neater! Time with darling is becoming shorter and shorter. I dunno if i can handle it. Maybe i shd stop pinning. Or expecting.

But when you no longer pin or expect is can be scary too. After one week, the first was Sat not free again. ( but that was sch so fine)Then Sunday have to go home early.

I expected it but i nv expected it to be so freaking hard! seriously I dunno hw much i can take. I really hate last min changes i really do. I hate it so much.

Yet i always get it. And its only week 2of his school. and more to come next time.

I know its hard for both of us. Even more so for him but i just dont feel like replying now. I mean i cant kp him from gg out n stuff in the past i was the wiling one to give him the first place in my time but it doesn mean i can expect the same from him.

But it just sucks. I noe i prob am mean n insensitive or uncaring i dunno la. I just wanna eat my yong tau foo. ARGHH!!!

2011-08-02T02:48:00.000-07:00

Wow its been a long time since i updated my blog. I have to keep reminding myself not to slip into a depressed state . Besides there's nothing really worth to be depressed about. HAHA. Well except that i didn make it to Local Uni.

But there was no one to blame i was too preoccupied with senseless stuff and the only way now is to look forward not backwards=D

I got myself a white board to write my daily plan so that i dun slip into daydreaming again and can focus on my studies. This month i spent hundreds on books and stationary and retail therapy to unstuck myself from the depression i feel once in a while.

And the best thing is i dun really noe why i am depressed once in a while. Cant really put a finger to it. But i know i'm gonna unstuck myself and Woo i got a PT job. Recoup some of the mass spending . =x. Kinda overspent.

I haven bought Amanda and Kat's presents! gosh! Prob make something ba. Since i cant pay so much then i shall use Part self made part buy Wooo~~

Anyways i thought of sticking Kat's face on the Idol's T shirt. =D I think she'll freak out! HAHA

Anyways life's been pretty stagnant for a while. And its like you see no virtual light at the end of the tunnel. But whatever it is studies come first for now. Deal with that weird feeling in time to come. =D

I dun wanna cont being like that so i decided to study hard and hone some skills so that i won't feel so left behind.

I gotta snap out of it. Snap snap . HAHA. No i dun wan to share this with anyone becux everyone has their own share of problems mine is a minute one. Magnified only by my weird mind.

Nothing's wrong with UOL business . Its just me. I felt i should have done better. And why didn i think like that in the first place? I also dunno. Prob after i knew dear dear, the world looked different. And i think i want different things now. HAHA.

I am thankful all this time for my friends whom i seldom meet . HAHA. But i should stop depending on them for curing my weirdness. It'only put pressure on others , my bf and friends. Although i know they'll always be there but i am still responsible for my mental health. HAHA.

With dad Buddha please guide me =x

2011-03-20T07:34:00.000-07:00

I envisioned a warmer and more loving kind of interaction but it seems you're just pushing me away with your words.

I tried very hard to listen and understand you but why do you have to always use hurtful words.

The kind of temper that is so unpredictable and treatment so cold. I really don't know what you want or what you fear or what you are thinking of.

Everyday feels so structured with you. Theres no room to be oneself. Yes discipline is needed but not to this extent. You may want to be very strict with me and produce someone with good results or in the middle and raise and mentally healthy and average kid or you may choose to not care at all.

But you choose to be neither here nor there. You choose to care in a haphazard way. Choose to hurt and discipline but not strict enough to produce an A student. That is the worse hurt. Especially since i know or rather i believe you care and maybe am busy and stressed at work.

Must it be like this?

You feel so distant and as much as i would like to suppress this, i don't think you want to try to understand me either.

2011-03-06T22:37:00.001-08:00

Time flies and just a few days ago i was still studying like mad for ITFD.

Looking back on the 3 years i spent in Poly , it was filled with much excitement, stress and confusion( over accounting concepts)

I had been very lucky to have had great friends in Poly, People from CSCC who helped me grow up a lot even though we may not talk now.

And there's people who has always been there to help me. Advise me and like the mother of the clique9( Jia Qi) .

I just can't believe that i won't go back to familiar faces to study accounting anymore. Times once passed no matter how good or how bad cannot be relived. Only memories remain. As we live to write our stories longer and longer , times like this become more and more frequent.

And you realize that things must pass, people may change but memories can be created and remembered forever.

Back then in Secondary School, leaving the school and the comfort of my friends and familiarity was all too scary but now i have come to accept all these as part of a big thing called life.

Everyone is heading in different directions , i wonder if i would be able to keep in contact with my poly friends like my Secondary School friends.

Even though now everyone leads a different lifestyle and everything. Its just so great to be able to update each other once in a while. Thinking of the independent Jia Qi and Jia Yi. Everyone takes on a shun qi zhi ran attitude. I am trying me best too(:

Somehow , after many months of unsettlement and worry now i am at peace with myself. Once i see a future of myself as a teacher, all the mess and confusion in my head is not so messed up anymore.

Sitting at home and thinking of many stuff. Applying for part time jobs etc...

I hope i won't be another statistic in the teaching profession(:

2011-01-16T06:20:00.000-08:00

HEHE. Haven blogged in a long time. Maybe i dun really noe how important it is to him. But why has it become such an annoying issue. Maybe i need some time to put in in perspective or because it was on MSN. But its Ok. =P Take time to settle it. But then again it will never be settled. it'll end up as a compromise.

2010-10-27T07:24:00.000-07:00

I shouldn't have believed in it but i guess i knew it would be like that just that its so much harder than thought and also so much more disappointing the second time. HAHA. Aww... why am i feeling so annoyed!! I know whats best but i can't help it. T_T And its not even a problem! OMG!! So annoying!!

2010-10-27T05:40:00.000-07:00

I never realised it would be so annoying that so many things have choosen to crop up b4 my 1st year. HAHA. I know i shdn't be complaining but its so annoying its b4 my first year=(
Aww... so sucky.

2010-09-26T20:39:00.001-07:00

And so TRY AND GO FOR IT!! No fear! Playing with MS excel and word and whatever! crazy girl LOL

2010-09-26T20:21:00.000-07:00

Its 11.19am reads the clock on my study desk=P Mum's not feeling very well today. BAD HAHA.
She has been having headaches quite frequently over the past week. She's sleeping now=P

Into the 5th month with dardar=P Time really flies!! School's gonna reopen soon too and its already the final semester of year 3. Graduating soon! Zomg! I think i'm gonna miss poly a lot well.. the friends and school life not the subjects WAHAHA!

Went to SIM Open house with dardar. Still feel very undecided as to what i want to study. UB seems too expensive but the psy with business admin degree is really attractive to me. Seems to suit what i want. Might go for UOL or RMIT. But i'll have a good think about it. =P

WHEE~~

Its a nice feeling.TO have dardar by my side though sometimes i'm a little princessy @_@ O wells=P

Yesterday went to meet Ting Yu Pearl and Lynn=P Nice to combine so many people's effort into one pop out card. I think the concept is nice. Pop Out the sotong=P Sotong on land. Kinda cool. Bad cough bad blocked nose. O AND TODAY I'M GONNA MET THEM AT CARAMEL CAFE!! WHEE!!!
And i'm excited about going for a haircut at parkway , recommended by Ting Yu. =P Can go with Lynn. I guess i;m really a little too princessy But i Xi huan=P

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~~~~~~~~~~

2010-09-13T21:06:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time since i blogged. Over these few months its hadn't been easy. Many things on my mind. Though i cleared quite a bit of them already.

After GBE paper last thrusday i was in the holiday mood. Till now. Apparently that's not very good because i still have a company law paper. I am still contemplating if i should work at RWS. I was hoping for a office job maybe or some other job. Should i continue flipping through the papers and going for interviews? Or should i try RWS where i could get a recommendation letter from Amanda.

Still waiting for Pearl's e-mail on the agent but i know she's very busy, don't really think its nice to keep asking her. Maybe i'll give Amanda a call later.I really want to do something with my holidays instead of wasting it. =(

Anyways, dear dear and i managed to get me a teddy bear. We called him Xing Fu which means happiness , that is why he's beside my bed everyday. A white teddy , huggable size carrying a heart shape. Deardear decided that he's a boy but doesn like the idea that i change in my bedroom with Xing fu looking at me. But apparently its TOO BAD. LOL

Yesterday deardear was having a headache. He talked about a student with so much emotion. But i understood his principles so i didn't realise that he was increasing irritated by his headache( i thought he was just voicing out his views) and so apparently lost his temper. Coupled with the fact that i was feeling annoyed at my Claw progress yesterday my eyes started to tear though i prob knew it was a small matter. And then i had a call from my uncle to collect mooncakes. I contemplated not bringing my Hp down but i decided i wouldn't be so petty so i brought it down anyway. LOL. Anyway , i suppose i'm like that cux i'm seldom scolded. Wells.. maybe RWS is a good way to start. LOL. And deardear apologized with explaination so it was a closure. And he waited for me to come home since i was outside til he dozed off. ( and woke up at 12am but i had already fallen asleep)

I suppose there is still a long learning journey ahead! WOO Claw.

2010-08-21T05:47:00.001-07:00

Into the 4th month with dear dear. Still feels like honeymoon and i think it'll stay that way. Not that theres nothing to disagree or what but there is something call try and put in effort and compromise.

During these 4 months i noe dear dear respects me and wun do anything against my wishes. Takes good care of me pampers me. Dear dear has all sorts of weird theories though. I really liked it when he said he sees me as part of his family. He has a real close knit family. Haha. His Ah ma said: In our house we like it noisy and full of life, u're welcome to join us anytime. It really calmed my nerves. Man. visiting is really like taking exams o wells=P

Randomz

2010-08-21T04:44:00.000-07:00

Dear blog Its Sat today. This week is a real plesant one. Spent monday afternoon celebrating Amanda's Birthday. And omy you should have seen what a confident and pretty lady Hui Fen turned out to be. Its so damn awesome to see them again!

Anyway Eunice and me got Amanda a necklace which was cat shaped and a sunflower. I thought a sunflower would be a wonderful gift cux its cheerful bold yet friendly. Its an awesome flower isn't it? To send a wish of adoration and happiness! Seriously I miss my sec sch frens a lot. Not that my poly frens are no good or what. In fact they're really awesome people. Jia Qi for always teaching me, Lee Jun Xian for his help always, Sharon for her calls, Tiffany for her smiles( though sometimes i wish i had the old her back but it'll do fine now(:), Siaw Ying for her uniqueness and Jia Ying for the comfort, and whole Poly clique for their joys.CSCC clique, Daphne, Mayling, Kek Bing and Meng Xi. All the shared memories. KQ, Julia and Koh Jun Xian for their constant support. I'm not a person who particularly shows anything. But i noe in my heart and i remember (:

Anyway, when i met Eunice, Hui fen and Amanda, it was just a wave of familarity and memories of the good old days just flood back.The days where we were in out sch uniforms, shuttling in and out of class. Hui fen always calming me down, amanda always supporting me, Eunice always listening to me. I'm so used to attention and pampering that it was only after some events did start to realise all the things i had and never cherished.

At first it was regret den it became a new prespective and personality. And my frens are still there despite whatever.

Pearl for sharing my pain but only her joy with me. ( Unique person indeed), You Yi, Katherine,Lynn, Ting Yu , Hui Fen( same Hui Fen) Those shared experinces. Even though seldom see u guys nowadays
But looking thru the photos is great to see how everyone change and grow, is a nice feeling.

Looking on the remianing of poly is with both aniticipation and fear and the want to hold back.
Rest of sem 2 grouping, hope can do with my clique again but i really hope tiff can join back too if nt i doubt i have the heart to go. But haix.. dun like sem 1 grping at all. Suck to the max. anyway.

2010-08-14T07:40:00.000-07:00

Tiring day and when i wake up in the morning the dread is still there. Of Sem Exams and of Sem2 projects. =P TML WILL BE A BETTER DAY. =P Yes i believe as long as u WORK hard and STRIVE! YEA!!

Recently many things happen. Coping so so but dear is always there for me(:

2010-08-12T07:31:00.000-07:00

Dear Blog, its been a long time since i blogged about anything. Recently a sad thing happened. A acquantiance of mine passed on just not too long ago.

Though i do not know her very well, its still a very shocking and sad event. Honestly i dun even noe what i should post on her facebook account now managed by her brother. Seeing so many posts and seeing how fragile life can be at times. It reminds me time and again about how one should treasure what one has and cherish every moment.

Now i should be studying(:

2010-07-10T04:04:00.000-07:00

Another nice day with sweetheart continuing GBE project LOL! He's meeting his friend from overseas today=P Though i really wanted him to stay but still theres a need to keep in touch with frens=P

Arghh.. GBE so hard to piece the info tgt!! annoyed! Hope AFA will be good and i'll get good grade=P

Chapter 3 with sweethaert

2010-07-09T09:13:00.000-07:00

Today had been a nice day out with sweetheart=P Like doing GBE in NP library. LOL.

Today sweetheart asked me about my plans after poly. The silly boy said it would be selfish if i wanted to study overseas and he stopped me because of our relationship.HAHA. bet he didn noe i wasn even considering it ever since we got together. I was only considering it like 5% before i met him cux to me i am happiest where my loved ones are. They are my everything and of cux i'm not saying money isn impt but enough for a reasonably comfortable life and monthly savings would do just fine.

I think i'm not really that ambitious. My lifetime goal is to have a happy family with a job earning a reasonable pay. And i definitely would not give up my loved ones for some goals i have cux giving up my loved ones is worse than giving up a dream. And i'm perfectly happy to work and live in Singapore where my family and friends are, sweetheart is studying in, his family is ( they're really nice) so yea lol (: and uncle was really nice to ask him to send me up when he already sent me home. LOL. i really wanna learn driving when i can=P

Smiles! slping le! LOL

Chapter 2 with sweetheart(:

2010-07-02T01:39:00.000-07:00

Sitting in the library and YESS!! Company law tutorial is almost done. Left a bit more. Sweetheart won't be here till like 6+pm so i shall write a short blog entry.

MACC marks were suckish. Despite the mugging the results weren't that surprising. What da u know? GBE was more of a pleasant surprise.

Anyway there's just a lot of things to blog and i dunno where to start. As everyday passes and there is more communication and assurances, i have more confidence in this relationship. Its definitely worth my time effort and love to nurture.

Sometimes i think sweetheart is really mature but sometimes i still saw his childish side. His really cute fears and how hes like at home.( The way he calls his mum is like a small boy but when he talks to me its more firm , secure and sure) Mixture of a child and a really mature adult. It was just funny. Even adorable.

" After all i'm only 21!" Yea lol. Sometimes its hard to believe hes only 1 year older than me yet always trying to take care of me and protect me. Share my burden etc etc. Though it isn much and hopefully would nv be HAHAHAH! Anyway.. he did pretty well.

I always think he looks like a huge bear bear. Very hug gable. Thats why i say too thin no use. Must have some fats for cushioning effect.

And he likes to eat apple and is super particular of his Baos=.= I think he only eats those from DeJi. His schedule goes like this ( I realized):

Mon- Thr-

530pm end work , take some feeder bus and then the SBS public bus home.
He reaches home at about 610-615 and then he would take a bath. So if i were to call him after work the time frame to not interfere with his routine is 530-615pm. After that all the way to 730 he would be bathing and eating and dunno doing what. Usually he calls at 730. But that is relative because mostly i have to do tut and proj so we dun really call on weekdays. He sleeps at 10pm on weeknights.

But i noe i disrupted his schedule so prob i try not to disrupt it too much for him=P

YEA! 5.02pm Back to CLAW.

(:

2010-06-10T18:25:00.000-07:00

Times flies! MST is over finally. I was sick over the whole MST period. Thankfully you were there for me. =P And thanks to that Zhao Jia Qi for teaching me but no thanks for disturbing me WAHAHHAA!!! But Jia Qi is always full of rubbish. Together with Tiffany is lame to the max. LOL. WAHHAA.

5th June

It all started on Saturday when the headache started. Supposed to meet baby at Esplanade to study MA. In the end he came down to my house with porridge cux mummy wasn't free. So he ended teaching my sister Maths HAHAHA! He had dinner at my house. Mum cooked Macaroni. Dad just kept talking to him. HAHHAA! LOL

6th June
FEVER! O man! Actually i was supposed to bus down to study with Jia Qi and paya Lebar but i was sick then.

7th to 10th June was filled with exams. But thankfully you were there as moral support.

10th June.

It has been a month since we were together. =P And its also the last day of exams! AFA was pretty ok(: They had a class outing this day but i didn't go . Spent time with my baby. We went to get couple rings. went for dinner and he sent me home. He said he wanted to get me lilies but couldn find them =P

Anyway i was really tired. But i really like his hands . They're warm and his grip is strong yet gentle. =P

When we reached the void deck of my flat my sister was there and she wanted to go to Elias for drinks. Damn tired. He walked both of us there. In the end we cabbed back to my house from there because he said i'm too tired and shouldn be walking home. I think he was very tired when he got home cux he had to work today. =P

11th June
Wanted to call him today but i think he should rest(:

I really miss my sweetheart today though(:

My journey with sweetheart Chapter 1

2010-05-30T09:09:00.000-07:00

To: My sweetheart with love
( And he doesn noe my blog -.-")

Its been about 3 weeks since i went steady with him. Initially i was really scared. Would he be just another guy that didnt say what he meant? Words are so superficial arent they? Would the words he said be in the spur of a moment?

Truth to say i did have a good impression of him when we first met. Well maybe thats an understatement. If i had to write a report our first meeting, probobaly he would have gotton an A+.
But when he asked me, i hadn't liked him quite that way yet. Yet something told me i didnt want to let him go.I guess the stakes were too high? Maybe its also being selfish. IDK. So against logic i decided to follow my heart. I thought the risk was worth it at that point of time.

These 3 weeks had been a struggle. Lifes a struggle isn't it sweetheart?(: [ Thats what he likes to say] For the past 3 weeks i was contemplating, thinking, asking myself many questions. Suddenly i wasn't single[ well i had been for about the past 2 years plus of my life], and it felt kinda weird , like when i was chatting with people who once liked me or people i sensed had liked me. Wadever...

A relationship is a commitment and i didn't noe how to respond when someoe said i still miss u.I mean if u were single you could say something like :Ya lo. I think maybe i missed u a bit a bit lo. But.. Well you missed ur chance.I noe i'm bad but thats just the way it is-.-" Anyway , there was a necessity to draw a line , not just to simplify matters but also to consider his feelings. But most importantly, i was thinking i didn't want to hurt him in anyway. Especially not with my words or actions, inaction or fickle mindedness. He was never in a relationship before i didn want to hurt someone like that. Like spoil their first time or whatever.

On the second week of our relationship i met him for a movie and he held my hand throughout the movie. Truth to say, it wasn' uncomfortable, in fact it was a cozy feeling. Theres this difference between lust and love. And if u're a girl u wud noe wad i mean. But anyway, me being me i mean logically speaking i still couldnt be sure. Lifes a struggle when you dun dare to face your feelings and try go by logic and scientific proof when love doesn work that way. Anyway that day he kissed me on the lips. It came as a shock. I wasnt expecting it-.-"

But i liked it anyway. And he likes to ask me," Xi huan ma?" The answers pretty simple. But its a bit hard to face at that time. And i always annoy him a little by saying" Ni Shuo Ne?" But i also know he needs assurance. I think thats pretty cute but i nv told him about it.HAHA.

All this while he has been taking care of my interests. He sends me home, carries my stuff, teaches me MA and AFA, nags at me to sleep early and do my tutorials, sends me morning and night messages, calls me, gives me my personal space , is not stingy when he brings me out, brings me barely and herbal tea ( i have 2 boxes of chicken essence from Eu Yan San) which he bought when he first came to my house.

He notices my eating habits and does give me his share of food when he thinks i dun have enough. [ I just have to write this down] respects what i say and gives in to me most of time yet he has his own opinion. All this made me like him a lot.

But it was the long conversations, messages and my sister's runaway from home episode that made me really start to feel different. We talked a lot of what was important to us. About many issues i considered important and we were both frank about it and he was always senstitve to my feelings. I could see his effort in trying to find out what i liked and i felt he puts me somwhere in the ranks of in his top priority. He asks me if i need time with my friends and he wudn mind not meeting if i wanted to take a break. But he makes it a point to spend his weekends with me.

He was with me when my sister called to say she was running away from home. I thought it was a much needed support at that time. Underneath the table. ( cux my sister was around)

Side track a while[ Theres this annoying guy who says: U nv reply my message and email cux u scared ppl say u 2 timer ah HE CAN JUST GO AND DIE. CUX I NV REPLY HIM DUE TO THE FACT HES SO ANNOYING!! with all his nonsense about u finally found ur love ah. later than predicted. DID I ASK U TO PREDICT FOR ME annoying ARGHH anyway.];/

But anyway he always say he feels holding hands is a sign of affirmation. I suppose i felt it. Due to the fact that my hands are always cold he usually claspe them together and rubs my hands or just hold them tightly. ( he says so that he can keep my palms warm) . That night he offered to spend the night with my sister and me at MAc Cafe if my sister was insistent on not going home. We tried to talk my sister into going home but to no avail Eventually my dad came to bring my sister home and he said he was going to fly home. Independent person But still. HAHA. Anyway, my dad gave him a lift home. LAter he confessed that it was more of wanting t spend thenight with me than to ensure my sisters safety( not that it wasn a consideration) HAHA. i thought that was cute but i didn tell him either.

But hes ever sensitive to my moods and feelings. He bought Godiva Chocolates to cheer me up. Cux he says chocolate makes you happy. Last night he called me and we talked to 6 am in the morning. Guess that was the point i undersood more of where he came from. I felt very loved and also because i managed to tell him al my fears and worries and to get his understanding and affirmation of love and effort. It was then that i was really comfortable with him and i finally faced up to what i felt.

真是的。我居然爱上了他。But it was a really nice feeling. i was more able to express how i felt but i haven been able to say it in person. Someday when u read this sweetheart den you'll noe why u're such a distraction and of cux everythings ur fault. HAHAHA! KIDDING.

2010-05-30T09:06:00.000-07:00

I said that i would start a new blog when i had boyfriend.

But i reasoned it wouldn't happen this year so i started this lovely blog this year anyway.(Since i would have to wait to long to do it)

Ironically i am attached this year.

Life is full of surprises isn't it?

=P

Lalala

2010-01-23T02:41:00.000-08:00

I realized the difference between when someone cares about you or shows you concern because they care about themselves. HAHA. I bet most people dun understand what it means. HAHA. Dun understand better. When u understand too much maybe also not very good=PP

I may be innocent but i am not naive. So don't think sweet talk and persistentence can get u anywhere. Because i dun feel like u really noe me and u dun even want to make the effort.Tell me la for what. Dun waste my time. I rather study. LOL.

HAHA .

Today went library to study. Barely got anything done again. WTH.Feels like i've always been under performing.Become very frustrated, Like could do better somewhere else but nv go and do.. But den again nvm la. Cheong yr 2 and 3 first(:

Cheong ah!! Monday FACC. x.x

2010-01-16T21:11:00.000-08:00

HAHA. Zhen de very nice to sleep. HAHA. Tired sia. Came home SLP LIAO. I really love to slp. Because my bed really very comfy! At night when its cool and quiet, just cover urself with the big big comforter and snuggle. NICE. tt's why i love to slp=P

Yesterday went to study with 2 of my classmates. Got clear some doubts. Zhen de. Its not that hard but dunno why. Mistake after mistake. Sucks. They Really a lot of nonsense. Bring me back to the sec sch times. Haha. How many more times like that before the CRUEL reality of the world sinks in. And everyone holds a knife behind a smile. Yr 3 so many projects. SIAN.

Zhen de dun wanna fail any more papers.=P. RWPS..

Met TY and Pearl at TM at 7pm. No actually i was late. BUT we reach abt the same time. HAHA.
Talked about a lot of things wor. At first everyone was quiet because u noe why? Just like to enjoy each others' presence. But in the end also really chit chat a lot.Almost everything under the sun also got discuss. From Society to Sch to opinions on friends , love, relationship n life in general.

Verdict: yesterday's time is well spent on studies and friends. Hen hao. Got utilize the time. very good. (:

PS. I noe u really like to keep quiet and look at the floor. Continue ba. Like that also very comfortable.(:

Reflect!

2010-01-10T04:28:00.000-08:00

Today was well spent doing FACC Tutorials 5 and 6 of course with the help of a kind and caring friend (SELF PROCLAIMED ).Special thanks for coming down all the way from somewhere in the west to Bedok. O well we discovered a STUDY AREA! YAY. We spent 1pm-6plus pm at the library getting all frustrated and annoyed with the questions. Damn It!

Sucks. But well this is accounts=P

Anyway was chatting with a certain someone. 2years plus since i knew him. Just fly past. Rewind back to last year i would still tell you i really think hes not my type.( cux he forever vv zhuang Cool) 就这样他说他应该放手... Never once did he insist that i should give him a chance or whatever. It was just the quiet persistence about him.

The last time i saw him was last year on a certain special day. For a few days he was at my block for hours on end. 10 miss calls 10 messages on that day. "能不能下来一下,给我几分钟就好,只要看到你,把我做了很久的东西给你"But He really love to suan me. Everything also can find something to suan and he really sometimes dunno how to say nice things.Or sometimes even when i never say anything, he will say:" Dun get it wrong hor. i VV NICE TO ALL GIRLS DE not only u"

And i would get pissed because i dunno. Hey! come on i also need to feel special de ma. Or sometimes i also never go and think so much. Even if i'm not into romantic mambo Jumbo.
But i only hear with my ears but i didn't see with my heart.
每一次默默在我身边我却没感觉到?

At 10pm that day i finally went down. the chocolate bouquet really very nice. Can see is self make de. 18 of them. My age.

"恩这是我做的,不怎样...喜欢吗?"(他老是在抓他的头..恋可爱的)
"嗯(:喜欢啊.谢谢你真的很漂亮"(我一直看着他回有什么反应,但他老是看地板...)
"喜欢就好!很晚了!你该回家了!一个女孩这么晚在外面很危险,而且你也该休息了"
到家时..来了个简讯..
" 谢谢你给我那几分钟.我没骗你哦!"(哭笑不得吗?我也不知道)
其实你可知道吗?如果你再勇敢一点...哈哈也不懂啦.反正是历史了.

2 years plus later..

" My best attribute is my killer smile"
"Haha! U wanna kill who"
"U "
"Why me? Ni She de meh?"
"Ya, after that my eyes will be damn tired lol"
"Why?"
"Cux over usage of electricity"
"Bth . Why will over usage?" ( I'm an annoying girl)
"Not easy ma. For u need extra effort"
" So its an honour la?"
"Ya"
"haha! If it works ita an honour for u too"
"How i wish can..."
"..U never noe"

--------------Silence -------------

Den i ask him he dere or not. den he say he just bathe come back.

...

"Maybe i can read ur heart. Just a feel loh.. i very crap right.."

.
.
.
Haha. Maybe u very crap ba. But i'm starting to see behind all ur mysteriousness and idiotic suannings, there is a responsible and caring person ba. The rest is up to fate
LOL. CASHFLOW. LALALA.

Hello today! I am happy!

2010-01-06T01:08:00.000-08:00

Today i am back to school after being sick for a day!(: Got back my results. Not fantastic but pretty alright. Though 2 papers i missed the next grade by a bit and its all due to my careless mistake but at least my grades are improving. (: Well, its my fault so i'll accept it and remember not to make such a silly mistake again.

However, this CA1 well, a lot of things are not tested so its not a good gauge i guess. Still let me smile a bit more =PP

Generally a pleasant day at school. Contemplating if i should do my FACC tutorial today. I think i should. But i have serious doubts as to whether i would do it today eventually.

Wants to blog about some thoughts on the "心晴大动员" (Not very sure if they are the exact words)
This episode on Monday was on how a mother sacrifice a lot of time and effort for her son who is inflicted with a muscle wasting illness.
Her son was inflicted the illness when he was 15. This year he is 19. A year younger than me.
Yet he faces life optimistically and even cracked jokes at the interview. When he had an operation at 15 his mum had his hand molded for fear that she would lose him at the operating table.The mummy had it displayed on a shelf in a room.
The mum talked about how she would worry about losing him anytime as she knows the time left with him is limited. So both mother and son are very close to each other.

During the interview the mother cried. She said: Sometimes i have to pretend that I'm very strong in front of my family members so they will not see my pain. She apologizes to her daughter whom she spends very little time with and is glad that she understands. Despite facing a surmountable amount of stress she spends time keeping the house squeaky clean as she also hopes that her family will return to a nice house, and a clean abode.

I would say that she really is a very strong mother. And her son is really strong too. He told her: Smile or cry . U also have to go through a day. Why not go through it happily?

I thought about the many things i had gone through and done through my life so far. I would say whatever the family went through i may not be able to take it either.
Sometimes now, i feel as if i still want more from life. Sometimes i feel its so unfair,why is everything not going smoothly for me like it has for others. Sometimes i feel trapped. Sometimes i feel that i don't get back the love i give. Sometimes i hate all the disappointments in people i have to deal with, the jealousy people throw at me all what when i feel that i'm living on the edge of the cliff like i dun noe when i'm going to fall down.And sometimes i feel why can relationships(in general) with others be so fragile and also so why can people be so unappreciative?

But at the end of the day, i didn have it that bad. Sometimes in life to be happy its not counting who has it the best but treasuring what you have the best way u know how to.No doubt, this is no mean feat. Even i'm still trying to learn..

So No more unhappiness. Dun feel sad. Stay happy , optimistic and live life to the fullest . Even when you dun see a rainbow amidst the rains, believe that it is there. Because it is. It will always exist in your heart. (:

Already i have experienced life rather peacefully all the while. Even though there may be periods of trying times. Everyone has a different experience of life. Though there are many things that are not within control, at least your faith and optimism are still yours to have.

Been a while since i have volunteered at anything. Feel very aimless. Once mentoring is offically over for me i will go search for some other organizations to volunteer at.(: I suppose that is the thing that brings me great joy.

Truth to speak now it feels very empty and unused. No avenue to be there for others or to help. =P. Stress. x.x

除夕夜~!

2010-01-01T22:43:00.000-08:00

2nd day of the new year! Whee~~ 2009 ended with a steamboat at Ting Yu's house and a small gathering there. =P

Though not anything big and high it was a very warm family feeling which i liked a lot. Plus, Ting Yu's house is well equipped with many animals for me to sequel at. I especially liked the brown rabbit and the longish hamster with yellow fur.

I liked the time when we cut the vegetables, tofu crab sticks and sausages.. And there was the cabbage. The long painstakingly difficult to chew cabbage. We didn't cut it up and threw the whole lot into the steamboat! HAHA. Really a lot of food. And very nice company.

Like that small small group, very comfortable, very homely. Guess all those really mind boggling puzzles at the dinner table. The seagull sandwich was the most memorable=P But its a little disturbing to discuss at the dinner table. Nevertheless a nice one. Another one on tarot cards.

Then came watching TV, countdown( called home at 12plus=P) and reading each other's horoscope from an old book that Ting Yu's friend loaned her.

Most descriptions were hauntingly true. Not exactly like the ones you see now. Its more accurate. At least for the 6 of us there. =X

Nice book to read maybe will go and read about other signs as well to see how accurate it is!
Most of the time was spent just chatting and just enjoying each other's company ( Yes i like these kinda stuff , no need to drink or wadsoever)

We did have some alcoholic drinks though, they really loved sakae. There was vodka too.. well i don't really like to drink though. i think sparkling juice taste better=P

Play Uno Play Cheat Play Murderer Eat chicken wing. Simple but enough for me(:

In the end slept at 6am woke up at 7 and went home. On the way home talked to Pearl abt some of our philosophy on relationships.

Anyway: 有条件怕没人要嚒? 哈哈. 我很现实啦!除非真的有不想错过的人.
爱请能追求但不能勉强啦!(书本读到的)挺有道理. 现在好好的学习更多的东西吧.好好提升自己!

Metacognition

2009-12-29T07:59:00.000-08:00

Today my friend told me an interesting story that i felt should be shared with people who are willing to read it(:

My friend had told me about a workshop she had been to and the main topic was metacognition which meant the awareness of the process taken to make a decision.

(Taken from the speaker at the workshop and written with accuracy of only my memory)

Even in primary one, it is important for the kids to understand this because it encourages self correction and self learning.
For instance. the teacher wants to impart the value of empathy,so she read to them jack and the beanstalk.
After she read the story, she asked the children to put themselves in the different characters' shoes.Jack, Jack's mother, giant, giant's wife and the beanstalk(yes a non-living thing lol)
So the children put themselves in all the characters shoes.
If you were jack/giant/ beanstalk......hw would u feel? What if you were them?
Metacognition at play.
Self thought, self learning.
Kids being kids are really adorable..
They said"if i am a beanstalk....i will feel pain if jack climbed on me..."
Haha!How cute! anyway.
After the session was over, the children got very noisy
The teacher was very fustrated and asked them"do you know what i am feeling now and why?"
All the children quietened down and said"you are angry because we are noisy."
However the children also has something to tell the teacher"teacher, the chair feels painful cause u sat on it for so long"
LOL. Cute story right?

This is the power of young minds and the power of metacognition. Its an important tool for learning and growing. Applicable to people of all ages. Just used in a different manner.
No gift is greater than a wise word or a heartfelt express of concern. The gift of self learning and discovery is a gift only you can give yourself. Others may light the way and that is their gift to you.
So embrace this lovely story. Laugh at the adorable kids. Let this story bring joy to you. Hope you have a good day and i should be sleeping now.(:

2009-11-27T21:34:00.000-08:00

Friday was a pleasant day spent with my family and grandma=P.

Sorry for all those late replies and no replies. I can't remember Uhhh.. HAHA.. just noe tt my inbox kps getting full. When i reached home i haven replied 6 messages. uhhhhhx.x

Anyways on Friday i was out the whole day. We had lunch at Kovan with grandma. After which we headed to Simei for drinks at my uncle's coffee shop. Tried the Teh Tarik. I'm so gonna try all the teh tariks from different places. I just love the taste. But i have to agree its a tat bit too sweet.. maybe i should go for Milk tea instead. WIT PEARLS.First time i drank that was with Tiffany.

O yea! Gotta blog about an outing with Tiffany. The very hard to ask her out girl. Talked about a lot of things i guess. SHAKER FRIES and CHOCOLATE SUNDAE. HAHA. WHEEE.. Well.. anyways tiff and i both agreed that sometimes u dunno wad to do. cux everything seems so transient. So maybe its a bit easier to understand what it means by emptiness is nothing and nothing is emptiness. I didn't use to understand this buddhist philosophy but i think i can understand some now. Nope. I still have a lot of attachements and desires though.

Tiffany and i went to Popular bookstore to shop.And we spent a lot of time there. I think i spent more time laughing. HAHA. Eventually Tiffany bought a packet of envelopes.

Being an environmental friendly vice chair person of DAC0, she declined a plastic carrier from the cashier. Yeps.

Have to blog about this incident. HAHA.

Anyways after that i went for an ACCA talk by Kaplan with Amanda, Sharni and Sze Yee . 14 modules and SP has exemptions from the 2 knowledge modules. There are 9 fundemental modules, professional modules and advanced modules. gosh..

But anyway i was distracted by the early childhood degree. However i dun have a dip in early childhood to qualify me for the degree. AWWWWWWW.. sadded.
Nevertheless i will find a way... to fly away. Ok kidding. not flying anywher.

I appreciate

2009-11-21T20:23:00.001-08:00

I haven't blogged in a long time. Many things happened.
Test my optimisim(: Barely passed the test but still passed. HEHEX

Still thinking of how to write the summary for CF project. Progressing slowly but surely. Deceided to take a short break before continuing. Missed Mentoring anniversary. Also missed the chance to c my fellow mentors. Well.. HAHA.

Looking back 2009 many things happened. I have also changed. Change is the only constant right? (:

This year brought me a lot of surprises. Many memories that will be forever forged in my mind.
Maybe a lot of things will become once upon a time just like SY said. But the memories will be kept with me. The once upon a time(: I will cherish.

A certain important person's first Boyfriend, someone finding her sister, the trip, the realization , the process, the discrimination, the regret, the heartbreak, the confusion, the what could have been, the deeper understanding of certain people close to me but i didn't see.

Been difficult to cope with the feelings. The aimlessness, the helplessness but its histroy now. A lesson to be passed on the whoever might need it.

Above it all, i have become someone else. I dun think i can and will ever go back to who i used to be.

Looking back at my life. Its been a pretty blessed one. Surrounded by loved ones and support. Whatever may come, family is always a very nice cushion to fall on. Fall already still got people to help you get up.

At 19 i still like to lie on Mommy's shoulder. Lie on daddy's big belly, snuggle beside my sister.
Throughout life, mommy and daddy hold your hand and walk. Even when you become a big big baby, mommy and daddy still hold your hand. Even if things at home get very stressful mommy and daddy still protect you. Even when their hair all turn grey they still smile and want to give you the best. They worry all day about this and that. About children about money about health about whether if something happen, what will the children do?

Daddy and mommy always stand by you. Daddy mommy i appreciate...

Growing up together(:

2009-11-09T07:13:00.000-08:00

Hello blog! Long time no see. Kinda lazy to blog out my feelings and stuff. Waiting for my mentee to reply my message. So i'll blog a bit.

Lots to blog. Last lesson with my mentee last wednesday. A bit sad. But hey u gotta let kids fly right.(: I'll be there to support her till she needs me no more.

Today's topic is on growing up.

Done quite a lot of growing up for the past 1.5 years. Ups and downs... Many lessons that i went through that wouldn't make me who i am today. Generally a pleasant experience because i have moved forward , for the better.

But anyway the focal point of this entry is growing up together.

I would like to remember this very unique experience with my very close friend Hui Fen.

Rewind back 3 years when we were still studying in the same school. Things came very naturally. We shared same interests and hobbies. I grew to be attached to her.

As we grew older, we kept in contact. In fact, we became even closer till one day we realised we weren so similar anymore. She grew to love cosplays and animes while i grew to love MSN even more. LOL.

Initially when we went out with our usual secondary clique, sometimes i wondered do i even belong there. Have i changed so much that i could no longer identify with them?Sometimes i felt like there was nothing to say. It was a rather scary thought.

But then i came to realise something i didn't see that was there before.

Everyone is growing up. Going on to the next stage of life. Pursuing dreams and interests. Time to fly, time to grow(:

The trick is if you want to carry over your relationship for one phrase of life to the next. Its not a granted thing. It takes effort on both sides to make it work.

Who said love friendships and relationships are just about feel? They come with a lot of communication and effort too! If not misunderstandings arise and a wonderful pure friendship is destroyed just like that. What a waste!

When my friend knew how i felt, ( cux i told her when she asked me) she felt very sorry and all..

But Whos really at fault it doesn matter. Theres no fault anyway in my opinion. Taking about that, in a treasured relationship who cares whos at fault. Everyone makes mistakes , the bottom line is is this relationship worthwhile? And how much do i value it?

Growing up isn't just about increasing numbers and days. Its so much more. Growing up together is never easy, was never easy and will never be easy.

To me growing up together is appreciating each other's change. Supporting each other, remembering the core reason why you felt that spark in your friendship in the first place. Growing up together is to watch each other grow. To give each other the space to grow and no matter what changes(unless the person becomes so damn different in personality and thinking and doesn rmb u as a freind- den its time to move on) , always remember the person inside who you were always close to.

Happy growing up togther! No matter who you may choose to grow up with(:

See stars

2009-10-24T01:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday school ended at 10am. had a lots of fun in the lecture theatre harassing Siaw Ying.

O well.Just her luck to have met HORROR CLASSMATE FROM DAC 01. HAHAHA. I guess i'm just naturally attracted to her unsophicated ways? Dunno. Though she's very quiet. Her reaction kinda amusing.

or maybe i'm just weird. LOL

Anyway it was CF lecture. I thought it was pretty interesting.However it was kinda long. Losing my concentration!! If not for that 15 mins break i think i wud be in lala land.

Anyways we invited the naughty Siaw Ying to accompany us see stars but she dun wan! HAHA.

(:

So anyways was meeting Jia Ying to SEE STARS! Pretty excited.

But we didn get to see it in the end because it rained.

But i must say Astro club de people , mentoring de ppl CSCC de ppl DAC01 de ppl all gt diff style. HAHA.

Though i dunno anyone from astroclub but i must say i did enjoy my night with them. Though i was maybe 50% switch off.( kinda tired)

Saw Shiyan from mentoring. Den started chatting abt mentees and stuff. Likes to see her reaction when i say maybe next session i wun go. HAHAHHAA. Ah ya. But she'll be fine. Next yr also no more me at mentoring liao. Zhen shi de.

Anyway had long chats with Jia Ying and also happily enetertained by the people there. HAHA.

Quite easy to gt along.

Anyways later on went to clementi for breakfast with Jia Ying and her fren, think is Dandan. Dunno. in that zombie like manner. Which makes our thinking somewhat crappy. Anyway came back and SLEEP. YAY.

^^

Yea^^

2009-10-19T03:14:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of a new Semester.

New chapter in my life too(: Happy that i'm

Met Jia Ying and Siaw Ying at the MRT station.I'm early-late! We were supposed to meet at 8.35 but i reached at 8.45 she reached at 9am. Actually today saw a lot of my classmates at the station but i was plugging in my MP3 player in my ears. HAHAHA. Lazy to say hi. ^^

I saw Jia Qi, Kerrin, Nisa, Sam, Jin Hao. Henry n Kenneth. and Mayling(:

Anyways today we had very light lesson. Thought Adeline Ooi was quite ok. HAHA. Hopes i understand Audit. x.x. Seems like a strict tutor. HAHA.

Seems that theres a lot of carry over from sem 1 of taxation. And i'm like x.x dead fish face. Regret. Its one of the most terrible words. SO study hard. HAHA.

And maybe i shd read them notes that Adeline went thru today. And the tax ones. Aiming to sleep at latest 12am. If not cannot wake up man. HAHA.

Stayed back to celebrate Henry's BD after sch. HAHA. Long time never celebrate BDs with any kind of class. LOL. Suddenly all of them like kids. Guess theres this kid in us all (:

Stayed back for chit chat session with Siaw Ying and Jia Ying. HAHA. LOL.(: times like this stil can afford to spend(:
Shuang(:

Looked through the photo album of graduating students 09 from Coral. HAHA. Stalk people.

Looking at the hall, looking at the teachers, CG teachers, My chinese teacher... Memories just came flooding back. But now i don't look back with a want to go back like in the past(:

Moving on with life. Yea^^

永远都不会对你说的真心话．

2009-10-18T03:30:00.000-07:00

发了个简讯给她．很希望今天能找回那种很特别的感觉．可是她另有约．不知道为什么，我感到很失望．她有约我一起去．．（因为那是我们都认识的人）．．但是那个世界的她我感到很陌生．

真的很希望能像以往一样．

哈哈．真的觉得很幼稚．明明知道她一直都是最了解我的朋友．最疼我的朋友了，可是感觉却不怎么一样．

她真的看起来很开心，　在一个我怎么努力也闯不进的世界．看着她那么快乐兴奋我也感到快乐．当她问我是否感到有点和她们隔离时，我只能一笑而过，说没事啊～～心里却对自己的感受感到惭愧．

只是有时有个莫名的难过．可能是因为我太习惯被她宠坏了．

当我不快乐的时候，总是把所有事情都搁在一旁来安慰我，当我犯错误狠狠地忍着心里的痛骂醒我，把我从深深的悬崖救出来．这么多年以来习惯了有她在身边，让她以我为重．　

有她那么一个守护天使，我真是个很幸运的人．但守护天使也得飞，也需要把心装满属于她独特的快乐．

我得学会让她飞啊～～

最终她还是笑眯眯的说：记得哦！我会一直在这里！你永远是第一！

我从未怀疑这一点．她一直都在．要不是有她，我也不会相信朋友真的可能比男朋友疼你（though i'm not attached now)

所以我不能自私．我要快乐的过，要感受到她的快乐

Thoughts=P

2009-10-17T11:06:00.000-07:00

Looking back at how things have changed! Nothing stays constant. Everything , everyone is on the move.

If you stay stationary , your're a dead duck.

So people change. All around, thinking change perceptions change. Feelings change.

Once a news report said at different points of our lives we change, so that's why we sometimes don't feel the same way about people who were felt very close to when we were at a different your stage of life.

So you ask, " How is it possible for people to stay together and always feel the same about each other as time goes by?"

The answer is simple, yet may not be easy to carry out. As you grow and change, each party must accept the change, talk about it and encourage each other. Well as long its not a bad change.

The most important thing is that the you know for whatever changes there may be, some things don't change- the want and gladness in accompanying each other through life's journey.

Take a deep breadth and think through what changes have u gone through today(:

Smile because u are growing up to be a better person!(:

(:

2009-10-16T07:37:00.000-07:00

waa.. long time never blog. HAHA.

School's gonna reopen in a few days time. Back to the place where so many memories are held. And more memories to be made. Packing my Yr 2 Sem 1 stuff finally. Finally able to face them . Sounds kinda crappy.. but yea. Took me a long time to come to terms with doing like shit for most of them papers. Must make use of this chance to study hard. Haven opened the mail SP sent to me. Still glued. I think i'm mad. Its not like i dunno the results.

I can face my fears! HAHA. Guess what. I'm missing seeing Jia Ying online. Today she's working. Tml supposed to go cycling with them but this holiday dun seem to have fate. Someone always ask me out b4 she ask me out. HAHA.

Two slices of cake still in my fridge. Dunno why. Feeling is sweet and sour de. A bit xin suan. Again ppl r thinking i'm too emotional. Maybe. HAHA.

Tt's why i didn bother saying also. But anyway they were bought by my mentees Celianti and Nadiah to celebrate her BD. Her BD she buy cake for mex.x!

And she gt no money also! No money to take bus home. End up walking.. was taking the bus when i saw her walking home. Kinda far eh. Anyways her dad doesn wanna pay alimony to her mum . With 4 siblings to support and one sole breadwinner without any high paying job of course she doesn have money to take bus home.

She still told me she dun have enough to buy me a more expensive slice of cake. x.x and said sorry. Den i ask her gt money take bus home she say shd have. Den end up she walk home.x.x.

Wa... sometimes u see. Life is tough but people still can take out a bit of love to make it better (:

Looking back on my life. Wondering. Have i done anything worthwhile with it.

Everyone has a different definition of whats worthwhile in life. What's yours?

(:

2009-10-08T08:06:00.000-07:00

Hello Blog. Been going out pretty much. (: Lotsa pictures to upload and stuff but LAZY !! haha..

Anyways i have saved the pictures. And I'm gonna print some of them out! To remember!! (:

AND I JUST realised i can't find the pictures!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the people who left footprints in my life. HAHA. My faith which saw me through my childhood, my friends who stayed up to talk to me when i was afraid of the dark, people who help me chase cockroaches away, people who told me to never to give up, people who stood by me, people who looked down on me, people who took me for granted.

Thank you for making me a better person. Making me MEEEEEE!!

Anyway.. today i'm feeling very worried. Dad gt his ECG report and its not really good.HE seems really worried. He's trying to hold back the tears... Worries of reemployment and health ..

Just dunno wad to say also... Was very sad just nw. Am still having this very panic feeling in me...very sad. I look at my contact list and i noe who i can talk to but i dun wan to distrupt people's life for now. Everyone's busy. I can face it with my family!(:

For daddy i will be strong. Mummy didn say much either. But everyone noes.

People treasure ur parents! Cux they love u a lot a lot! Even if its very hard to comprehend our parents love.or to embrace the love people have of us. Often we judge people's love based on our own standards.And we love based on our own standards. Its ever so impt for communication and understanding. Sometimes its just the time tgt. the convs tgt(:

Children's day celebration!09!

2009-10-01T09:57:00.000-07:00

Mentoring is ending soon. For the year that is. Or maybe for the whole of my poly life. HAHA.

Its such a pity that i met Nadiah and Celianti too late. Students are seldom interested in working hard. But these 2 students are. Its just that there is no one to guide them. And so yesterday we did contruction of triangles. All those degrees and stuff HaHa.

Tell me triangle ALWAYS how many degrees? One whole circle how many degrees? Straight line always how many degrees? Whenever u are confused take a ruler and do what? HAHA.

I never tell them answers . Everything is filling in the blanks for me. No spoon feeding. HAHA.

Know more about Celianti's background again. Her relationship with her mentor, Sing Ning. Like she's not comfortable with her yet. Haha. These things take time. They're still kids. But she was sweet la. HAHA. She wanted to get to noe her mentor more. Hehe^^Even bought her mentor a present which she gave me cux her mentor didn't come for mentoring the whole holidays.(:

So explained to her that Sing Ning is prob working. Haha. (: Glad she understands.

Got her and Nadiah a bookmark each and a card with a rabbit picture. (:
Then she told me about her pet rabbit who died. When her father left the family for another woman, her mother was at a lost. Not to say there was dosmetic violence.. but now its not so bad that after divorce her mother learnt to be financially independent( Her mum was a homemaker)
Anyway,at that time the family was so poor they couldn't afford to feed the rabbit even if Celianti begged her mother to feed it. They just couldn afford it.

I don't think words adequately express what i feel. x.x All i can say it was rather upsetting.

But anyways i got them a time table. I haven given it to them but i asked them to memorize the timestable. Next lesson if they don't understand their corrections for their final papers i asked them to ask me.

They were saying its hard to ask teacher for consultation after lessons and also teachers are rushing through lessons. Corrections are not gone through and everything is in a mess. Worksheets are half maked. When i saw their schworksheet i was like O wow. Haha. Worse than my sec 2 teacher who totally forgot to return our work to us.

Hope to help them as much before i leave(:

Anyway yesterday was Children's Day celebration too! The two kddies kept coming to look for me. Haha. Wa.. a bit dunno wad to feel.

Anyways i told them even when i'm not there anymore must cont to study hard den i will be very happy! HAHA OMG i'm old le! Asked Celianti to be a brave girl. So sorry sweetie that you have to grow up faster than others. Hope thay it will make u a better person. HAHA.
Hope you rmb that ur whole life! And never give up! Like i always say U r not stupid must be confident and also never say u dun care and Never say die right!

She said she will rmb. HAHA even though i dun think she noes what i mean. Anyways! ^^

Went for dinner with ShiYan. Sharon and Kerbelle. HAHA. Had Hokkien Mee! Yummy! Den bused back to Clementi MRT station and took a train home! Hehe!

The path i choose

2009-10-01T09:26:00.000-07:00

I'm just not who i used to be.(:

I'm pretty happy the way things turned out.

The lessons i learnt will forever be with me.

Those who do not understand me well enough will not get my point. And that isn my concern either

Memories and times do flood back. Who says not? Feelings that i remember will be cherished in my heart.

Unhappiness i forgive but i do not forget.

I can leave things behind . No problem. Life goes on(:

Its just that the feeling isn the same and theres no point anymore.

I'm happy with the path i choose to tread whatever the outcome may be!(:

My results. I will rmb .

2009-09-22T16:35:00.000-07:00

A below 3 cumulative GPA and u r wondering why i am not crying. Because i never forward module.

To me that is enough! For now! Next sem I will pia. I told Buddha next sem i will study hard next semester please whatever don't Forward...

And then its so almost.. one D-. Dunno wad subject BA1002.

Reflecting on the past 1 year. Reflecting on my life so far. Since taking Sci and Maths subjects.. when have i not struggled? Everytime i conquer it. Everytime i challenge myself. I want to see how far i can go..

Wanted to see the other side.. See the what if i tried.. try a hand in accounts , in science would i do well? Compared to Arts subjects that i so love and usually do well without studying.

Why then u ask me do i choose to do such a stupid thing? because i want to see how far i can go.

Looking back at Sem 1 i forgot that aim.. i didn study for CA2 , did not focus for the exams. End of paper . Regret.

I ask myself where do i want to go from here. Am i going to give up? My parents don't really feel i'm the accounts type. So true man.

But then No i dun want to waste the remaining of poly. I must study hard. I will remeber this post. My promise to myself i will not give up.

After poly where do i go? I want to be a educator. Next next year i'm gonna try teaching children. The path ahead seems a tard bit clearer now.

If i can go to un i might try FASS. Take Arts again. HAHA. Even if i dun do well there at least i will be happier.

Even if i have nothing, good at nothing i still have my determination. Positive thoughts.

Everything that happened in my life made me someone different.

My chilhood, from being pampered by my parents to being abused by my maid to people looking down on me to disppointment from a respected uncle. To feel helpless to cry to be scolded to grow up faster.

To hear u won't make it. To hear Wow! u got 59 for ur Bio i thought u were going to fail! When i i was called to the principal's office Eh if u retain call me and let me noe.(my JC class tutor)We shall help u to pass Maths! HAHA

And my O levels. A1 n A2 for Maths. Happy. My teacher dare not look at me. HAHA.

But its ok. Because i am not smart i have learnt how to cope with failure. And reasonalbly aware of my strengths and weakness. Different challenges in life. Just smile!

There wil always be 2 sides to a coin. When there is up there is down.there there is laughter there is tears. Dun be afraid! Smile!

So wad do you think?

2009-09-17T08:55:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow i must pack my cupboard tomorrow i must pack my cupboard! Tomorrow i must pack my cupboard!!When u say something 3xs u MEAN it. HAHA. that's wad i heard.

Nvm shall blog about mentoring now.

16th Sept.

Wake up. Stomache ache. Cux of the steamboatx.x

Was thinking of messaging Wyanne ( Is it like tt spell? nvm la she also wun read de) HAHAHA.
Saying i not going le. But i like kids eh. So eventually also go le.

And i'm glad to say i didn't regret!

Go there also cannot remember anyone at first except Shi Yan and Sharon. Shi Yan this girl. Damn cute. 1992 de ppl can be quite cute la. HAHA . Always very cheerful and full of smiles. Sharon is very level headed and strong in character.

Then also met Kerbelle there.First impression: very shy. Now: No quite noisy. LOL.

On the bus they talked about Mentor olympics. I dun think i saw the e mail. No one tell me also dunno one. HAHA.

But anyways i dun mind going but its sports. And although i like sports. i'm not good at them so..erm.. Paiseh eh. HAHA. But sports are fun la. Just go RUN AH JUMP AH. Like some mad kid. But i'm 19. So ya. Cannot anyhow. Must Watch my nonsense.

Think they gonna have dinner after next session. SURE. WHO TREATING HAHA. jking.

But anyways this time see Deyun n Chip peng also weird weird de. Too long didn c. Also cunt rmb much. BUT at least i rmb name. STM reversal for tt short moment.

But anyway why i didn regret is cause of the kids. On that day very little people turn up. SO there weren't enough mentors . 1 person take 2. I took Nadiah and Celanti.

Today they very BU GUAI. But today Celanti told me more about her background. More of why she was so quiet when i first saw her and also why she brought that huge photo album to school. Her family problems and i realised how shattered her family was. I won't say much :xHAHA from teacher promote to jiejie le. LOLS. MAke fun of me like dunno wad. Say Dunno who n who tgt la. ROmantic la. Kids nowadays.. where got like my time so guai one. ( well i was guai la. The others dunno wad this n that.) SO COMPLICATED. But now 19 le. Mum also scared i left on the shelf. But Ma Bo Bian de. Cannot find ma.

So they asked me jiejie which bus you take ? i say i take MRT HAHAHA. den they say wher u stay . I say :Pasir Ris. Eh u dun laugh at them they noe ok. They were like HUH SO FAR AH. OK BYE BYE. HAHA. anyway gt debrief also. LOL.

Nadiah is a dreamy girl but very well behaved. She doesn like to draw. Don't like maths ,ok with english and loves her mother tounge. She reminds me of me when i was young. Maths concepts say a lot of time also Tidah apa. Dunno spell correct or not. Anyway the 2 KIDS speak in malay n i dun understand. Lucky i kapoh ppl sometimes. Then they say Nasi is wad i say is RICE. den they say is noodle. DUN CHEAT ME OK. i noe AYAM is CHICKEN. LOLS. And i learnt that( Ok i spell as in English ah). Matayi is GF BF. They teach one. Ok Win. U win.

Anyways. Got to know more about Malay culture and customs through them. HAHA. Wa so young noe a lot le eh.

Celanti is actually quite a brave girl, facing so many things at home. She understand concepts very quickly. But she will tell u she very tired la wad nonsense but in the end also will listen and when she does she understands very quickly. At such young age she has endured much emotional pain. But shes fine now. Though they may not say or maybe they cannot fully comprehend, they are actaully quite upset. (ie kids in her plight) But i must say she is one who does not get resentful and is actually quite sensible towards what she is facing. She is able to understand and put herself in other people's shoe( something seldom seen in people esp one her age) Haha.

But in all they are both very sweet kids. Naughty la But in the end will still listen. Heard that they don't have a permanent teacher. Teachers keep changing . Anyhow teach . Cannot control class. Dun understand also no one to ask. HAHA. Like my secondary sch.

U'd be surprised. My 3rd session with them . They actually show interest in learning n wanting to answer your questions. They were like Correct? Den they will go Bagus! LOL. Win liao. I say good u say bagus. U think i dunno malay huh. I noe a bit a bit ok! HAHA

Anyways^^ I wish u 2 the best. Anything i can i will try to help u=D

Birthday celebration(:

2009-09-17T02:45:00.000-07:00

So many things to blog! Mentoring ,Hui Fen's Birthday and Outing with Daph, Meng Xi and KeK Bing ,hair extention ,outing with Mei mei, outing with Rebecca and Man Yin.

I'll start with Hui Fen's Birthday(:

15th September 1990 Hui Fen was born! And I am lucky enough to have her as my friend!

So today planned to celebrate her birthday on the actual day with our secondary school friends.

This is her cake!

Cheeze cake from Polar!

The cake was yummy^^ GOT LOTSA CHEESE!!It has this biscuit at the bottom that i really liked.

Hui Fen Cutting the cake!

Result:

HAHA Very Unglam right?

After that i tried to cut. Also look very unglam and yes i got wear pants inside ok! HAHA

And we used spoons to eat directly. Too lazy!! TA DAH!! SO FAMILY FEEL HORX. HAHA.

After the celebration stayed to slack. Had dinner at KFC and we cut cake at Mac. Borrowed

lighter from the people from the next table.Den sing happy Birthday song. SO LOUD SOMEMORE.Pearl wanna faint already. Aww come on who cares. HAHA.

I'm an inconsiderate girl n i dun care , LOL.

Actually i wanna upload more photos but blogger stuck!! ARGHH!!

But anyways(:

Hui Fen was writing Jap words on the selvets we took from Mac.(She gathered them to form pages of a make believe book. She look like a teacher cux she is one. =P

Ting Yu was drawing the back and front covers of the selvet "book". And they had this thing about Hentai- Jap ANIME PORN. I'm like... ok. HAHA I never watch de. HAHA. Dunno they really got watch ma. I heard its quite detailed. Umm.. Is that the correct way to describe. Idk i vv PURE DE. HAHA.

Took many unglam pictures of Lynn. She very funny la. HAHA. OMg this post is so SINGLISH!

AND SIWEI BOUGHT ME SOMETHING FROM BANGKOK. HAHA YAY! GOT PRESENT. (:

He says he wonders if i can fit in. And i said, Gd luck think u waste money liao i very fat de. And i'm good at hiding them to give u FALSE impression. HAHA. Anyway he say Bangkok very cheap. So Its ok. JOKING. HAHA. thanks anyway=P.

Reflection!

2009-09-15T09:45:00.000-07:00

Watched Absolute boyfriend till 6am in the morning. For some reason it touches my heart a lot. Its as if i were the main character - Riiko. Cried though many episodes and even cried in my sleep later.. HAHA. Was emo for a bit.

HAHA. This jap drama touches on many aspects of life. Truely.

Its not just a touching story about love between a OL and and a robot but its encompasses many life lessons.

It talked about family, challenge our understanding of love, it talked about being honest with yourself, it made me face and rethink about my life.

Riiko had many dreams but she never dared to follow through her dreams. Most of the time she gave up half way always believing that she was not good enough. She was never confident enough and was not honest with herself.

It made me think.. in life everyone has a dream. But seldom people truely am confident in themselves. Most people hide their insecurities with a facade of bravado or arrogance . Or people are ignorantly over confident of their abilities. A healthy sense of confidence is hard to achieve and i myself am still trying to get there.

Riiko is however a very kind girl who believes in the good of everyone, which is why she is always bullied and almost always framed by her good friend. In the drama she was lucky to have met people who also deceided to help her and see her good points.

She is the cream puffs she makes. Beautiful on the inside but unable to catch the attention at first sight. People are often swayed by beautiful exterior and beauty. If you want people to notice you for your inner beauty you need to portray your confidence in yourself an what you are doing and dress with confidence.

Never give up and lose sight of your dreams just because you have tougher competition. You may not be as good but ultimately believe you can be as good or better! Of course be realistic of your strengths and weaknesses. But in the end you must face whatever is in front with confidence and believe in yourself. For that instant forget your weakness and go there and give it your all!

Later on Riiko's father comes and looks for her. She thinks her father doesn understand her but he really does. He cares about her and knows her weakness that's why when he repremands her she feels that he doesn understand. When someone hits the nail on the head the hurt can be very deep.. because you have been avoiding it for a long time and you desparately don't want to acknowledge your weakness. If that person who tells you that is someone close the hurt doubles. But its because the person worries for you.. that's why he's so blunt. After all its better to let your child learn at home then be ruthlessly bullied by the society yes? At home, no matter what the intent is never malicious.

But the most important point of this drama is the defintion of love. Because Night is a robot without any selfishness his love is thus so pure n sweet.. its so encompassed around her yet not tying her down...

Its a true understanding of what's best for her. To give without expecting anything in return can be tiring but also sweet.

It also brings forth the point that marriage life and a status of Boyfriend and Girlfriend is very different. Kids can be a legacy left behind. Kids may not always follow the paths parents roll out for them. Heartbreak is inevitable. However its also beautiful.. heartbreaks brings forth the understanding of another individual person and involves the support and faith one can give to a loved one to push her on to the next level , to fly and reach out for the skies! A personal goal now becomes a shared one..

I've come to understand why the harsh words my father always told me hurt me so. I always blamed him. It caused me to fall many times , amke many mistakes , and then get up. It forced me to learn and be stronger. It showed me eventually how to deal with things and be a better person.

Love is an intricate and complex thing but it is a beautiful and pure feeling .Only if you overflow yourself with selfless love will you be able to give and receive love. You may get hurt though , its always a gamble.. even if someone misplaces your love don't ever lose hope because someone else will appreciate it. Just don't let people take it for granted and misuse it. Love is a gift , a chance you give others. Even if you noe u are going to love and believe in a bad kid.Be firm yet gentle with your love. Prepare that you might get hurt and disappointed but always have the mental strength to face it and do what's right! Easier said than done ! I'm still learning!

Always be happy confident and positive! (:

Go for it!

2009-09-14T11:28:00.001-07:00

You work hard for many things.

At the end of the day if you don't have the courage to carry out your talent

Its pointless.

If you dare not face failure

Shy away from competition

Then you will lose your dream

You have one shot in life.

Go for it(:

Looking for a job

Criteria 1: You have the talent

Criteria 2: You love it

Criteria 3: It has a decent paycheck

Whatever you choose 3 is the most important consideration unless you don't have a family to support(:

Life lesson 1

2009-09-14T10:24:00.001-07:00

When little children do they do it with their all. (:

Do you just give up whenever you're up against something you think you just can't overcome?

When you were little isn't it just about daring to make choices that make you happy.

Isn't the time when you were little that you dared to dream?

If you are not truthful to yourself. You will lose the things that you truely value.

Life lesson 1(:

Happy note

2009-09-14T08:30:00.000-07:00

I want to start my blog on a happy note. Though i'm having bad cramps today i am glad to say i have managed to stay away from the painkillers this time!But i smell of medication now. And i slept 3 hrs in the afternoon to awaken to a throbbing head ache. Pulled myself out of bed at my mum's call for me to help layout the dinner table.

I'm glad because i do not want to depend on it. I am NOT a slave to the pain killers! I got through day 1 without the painkillers.Although it hurt terribly while cycling.Truth to say if Pearl hadn cycled most of the journey i think seriously cannot make it. It rained yesterday while i went cycling with my cherished friends. Didn't talk much. Cux it was pain. But the point is i managed WITHOUT painkillers. YES!!

The rain was really big. And we sought shelter at a solitary cover in the park. . The rain was a small shower at first, almost welcoming. Wetting the dry roads and grass,it seemed to bring life with it. The breeze brought in small droplets of rain to our small haven. But it was welcoming and cool. As i looked at the rain i learnt to appreciate its untouched beauty.

The small puddle with a lonley leaf in it looked so pleasant. It wasn't sad. It was soaked in the rain of life.

All of a sudden, the rain took on a new persona. Silently, forcefully, in all its rage it poured on heavily. It winds turned icy cold and the floors in our shelter flooded. It was freezing. The sole comfort from friends and a red shawl. Its a day i wouldn't forget. Its serenity and force. being near to nature. Hearing the chatter and commical actions from those funny friends. Its priceless.

I did not get to go to East Coast park with my poly DAC01 clique today which was a real waste. The sun hung up brightly in the sky, taunting me to go. But the pain held me back. It decided to come at full force today like a naughty baby deciding to kick its mother real hard. A pity but i reserved a whole lot of time in my life for this another group of special people in my life(: